Could it be that at the ripe young age of 24, I’m stuffing through an early-life crisis. When I stay crisis, it seems that I’m jumping the gun. These thoughts ripple through my mind like the butterfly effect. I run over every aspect of my life in the last 24 years and rethink events in my life no matter how small. Now after graduating college and transitioning into my young adult life, I find myself feeling unfulfilled. Wait! Unfulfilled is not the word, I feel…absolutely, positively LOST! In this state I’m feeling like I have no where to turn and no one to talk to explain these odd feelings.
At 18, society expects us to pick a subject, study it, possibly master it and maneuver through life in this field. But at 18 are we really ready to take on the world and decide where we should or want to be when we grow up. I remember when I was 10-years-old and I watched “Legally Blond” starring Reese Witherspoon. It was the first time that I got to witness the awesomeness that was Apple and when something struck in me; I wanted to be a lawyer. I think it all came from the fact that Elle had an Apple laptop that propelled my fondness for law. Ten years on this earth and I settled to go to Harvard school of Law and become a lawyer thanks to a chick-flick with Reese Witherspoon (law school never happened or was thought of after I saw the price and years it took to become a lawyer).
When I finally became a teenager at 13, and we moved, I decided I wanted to be an Architect. How many black female architects do you think there is…probably as many as you’re thinking. But that dream too, quickly died as I had an enemy and his name was Math, who has haunted even to this day. Next I wanted to be an interior designer, but I decided I liked it more as a hobby then a career, then a history teacher, english teacher, until my big break happened. I applied to an internship program, producing an indie film for the summer of 2006. I didn’t think much of it until I was awarded the internship and worked in Chicago creating an indie film in a weeks time. A light bulb appeared over my head and I found what I was destined to do.
I won’t go into the full details but after switching schools three times, with my last school having been my first choice to began with, I settled into classes that taught tv production, graphic design and film under the guidance of someone who worked for Oprah. I graduated and worked as a preschool teacher until I reached a point in my life when I could say I was finally fulfilling my life’s goals. I could actually start checking things of my list.
I can feel your thoughts starring at me. I said I felt lost and I do. I got a job, in my field which is hard to do in this economy, and I felt that everything was all right. God has taken control of my life and I was finally following the path He had for me. But at the end of it all, I still feel lost. I’m lost because I fell in love with visual storytelling. Film is my passion that I chose to follow instead of a practical one. My mother always says, “if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life,” but after I starting working at my current job, it feels exactly as such. It feels like a job. I no longer have passion in my heart and it shows in my work. I wake up everyday hoping that things will change and this crisis I’m trying to avert will blossom into a field of dreams. Instead I feel the dream dying and slowly swallowing me up into a dark abyss.
Your twenties is for having fun and traveling, attending high school friends weddings and just generally enjoying the clean fun of life and the small things. Yet, I feel unfulfilled as if I didn’t achieve a thing. The company I work for has won Emmy’s, but those awards don’t mean a thing to me if the passion is gone. I want to make people happy and spread the joy and peace that I have found in my savior Jesus, through the art of visual storytelling. I sit here and wonder if I would ever find my passion again. Only time will tell…